The theme of this year’s Recovery Month – Recovery is for Everyone – is as necessary now as it has ever been. We still encounter callous ignorance when it comes to recovery. Far too many people imagine some nefarious evildoer – the druggie, the crackhead, the junkie – when they think of recovery. But we know that anyone dealing with addiction deserves love, respect, and support in their recovery journey. And we know that addiction can impact anyone at any stage of life or in any circumstance.
A Recovery Journey: Rock Bottom to the Mountain Top
I’ve known Theresa for more than 20 years. I’ve seen her entire recovery journey. As I know her now, Theresa is an incredibly successful businesswoman. She brings in her family’s income while her husband stays home with their two boys who are on the spectrum. Theresa is a superwoman, super wife, supermom, and super friend. She is the kind of successful woman young women aspire to be.
And she could tell you hellish stories about her recovery journey.
Theresa’s rebellion started in her teens. “I had a very sheltered childhood with strict rules but rarely any context. I was a curious kid, and one desperate to fit in and feel accepted.” Who among us hasn’t felt that need to fit in and feel accepted? People don’t start down the path of addiction because they’re monsters. Far from it. They’re usually barely kids. “I had a strong desire to be different. I didn’t want to feel the guilt and grief of my father’s death. I didn’t want to follow the conservative Christian rules I had been taught. Getting loaded was a way to step out of those concerns and push my mind and body to new places. I was desperate for new connections and experiences to replace everything I had lost.”
This continued for years until it took a run-in with the law to wake her up. She finally sought recovery when she was arrested for possession. “It was meth. I was 20. I was given a chance to complete an outpatient rehab program and have my record expunged.” For months, she attended mandatory Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Upon completion of her rehab program, however, Theresa felt her recovery was not finished.
The stories and support of the people around me helped me to understand my behaviors better – and to believe that I could change. That I was worth the work it would take to change. And that I didn’t have to do it alone.
“The night I attended my last meeting, I realized I didn’t want it to be my last. My biggest challenges were getting over the idea that every moment of sobriety reflected a missed opportunity to get loaded, stepping away from the people and situations where I was likely to relapse, and hardest of all, attending the funerals of friends who died because of their addiction.” She defined her time in recovery with four words: humility, guilt, redemption, and kinship. “The stories and support of the people around me helped me to understand my behaviors better – and to believe that I could change. That I was worth the work it would take to change. And that I didn’t have to do it alone.”
Victories of Recovery
Theresa’s eyes light up when she talks about her victories. “Earning back the trust and respect of loved ones who had seen me at my worst. Being there for others in recovery who needed support. Getting to know who I was and growing to love that person for the first time. I trust myself. I know what I am capable of, good or bad. I own my choices. And I have healthy coping mechanisms now.”
Those healthy coping mechanisms have led Theresa to a much different life than the one she had at age 20. She described to me her gratitude for getting a second chance to fix her life before her addiction caught up with her. “Whenever I led a meeting, we would close with, ‘A moment of silence for the addict who died tonight, not knowing there was another way to live.’”
Theresa discussed the two phases of her recovery toward the end of our conversation. She talked about recovery with almost reverence. “It gave me the courage and perspective to look deeply at myself. I had relied on appearances for so long that I hardly noticed what parts of my words and actions were authentic. It gave me back a person who was worth fighting for,” and she fights for herself every day. “There’s no more hiding. I’m not hiding from pain, or guilt, from other people, or myself. My sponsor told me once, ‘We are only as sick as our secrets.’ I apply that in all parts of my life, and it has made me so much happier.”
I’ve seen Theresa’s entire recovery journey, from the beginning to the downward spiral to the rock bottom and back to the top of the mountain. I know how amazing she is, and I know her words of advice to others in or contemplating recovery are invaluable, so when she says, “this is the most radical act of love you will ever give yourself. By the time you come out on the other side, you will believe again that you are worth that effort. Use the tools and the community where they help you – but only you can put in this work,” I take her words to heart.
Despite the ignorance of others, it remains an undeniable fact that Recovery is for Everyone. “You could take it a few different ways. To me, the principles of recovery can have a positive effect on anyone, whether or not they struggle with addiction. A lot of it is emotional intelligence and honesty and yes, a little faith – even if it’s in yourself. I would also say it means that no one is too far gone to find recovery. No matter what you have done or how far you have fallen, you are still worthy, and you can still change.” There is no us and them. There is no “their kind.” Recovery is for Everyone because everyone is worthy, and with enough hard work and faith, anyone can change their life for the better.
About the Author
Derek Cowsert
Derek Cowsert is an English professor, freelance writer, and public servant living in Springfield, Missouri.
