A few years ago, I stumbled upon a poem by Mary Oliver entitled “The Uses of Sorrow”:
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift.
This poem couldn’t have come at a better moment for me. I was going through a period of significant loss at the time, and I was struggling to maintain a positive outlook on life. Mary Oliver’s words helped me realize that I could either wallow in the difficulties I was experiencing, or I could search for something positive amidst my suffering. With this new perspective in mind, I began to move forward on my journey toward understanding the importance of gratitude in life, especially during my darkest, most difficult times. This understanding has informed both my career as a therapist and my outlook on life. It is a message I share with my clients in an effort to help them reap the benefits of gratitude and make it a powerful tool in their recovery.
At its core, gratitude simply means being thankful or having the ability to show appreciation. To practice gratitude, you must take the time to recognize the good things or people in your life and then meaningfully acknowledge their presence. Practicing gratitude has proven so advantageous that in recent years psychologists have begun to study gratitude and track its potential lasting benefits. It appears people who regularly take time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems than those who do not make an effort to practice gratitude in their daily lives. Moreover, the practice of gratitude has been found to reduce aggression, strengthen relationships, and improve self-esteem!
Gratitude can move us from a place of negativity and hopelessness to one of optimism and compassion. This can be particularly important for those in recovery when finding hope and motivation can seem nearly impossible in our darkest moments.
You may be saying to yourself, “If it’s so simple and the benefits are so abundant, why doesn’t everyone practice gratitude all the time?” The truth is, many people don’t even know where to begin, much less how to fully integrate this meaningful habit into their day-to-day lives. I knew the benefits far outweighed the barriers, so I made “Observations in Gratitude” one of the first therapy groups I started at Sanctuary Centers. This positive psychology and mindfulness group focused on the practice of gratitude in the participants’ everyday lives. Clients learned multiple applicable strategies (some of which you can find below) for building and strengthening grateful outlooks to improve their overall quality of life. One client from that first group recently told me they still write in their gratitude journal daily. The practice made such a positive impact on their life, it made no sense to stop.
I personally believe in the power of gratitude because I have experienced it firsthand. Gratitude can move us from a place of negativity and hopelessness to one of optimism and compassion. This can be particularly important for those in recovery when finding hope and motivation can seem nearly impossible in our darkest moments. If finding that hope and motivation is difficult for you, here are just a few ways to practice gratitude in your life:
1. Keep a gratitude journal
Every day, write down at least three things you are grateful for. Try to be specific and think of new things each day. They can range from the simple, “the clothes on my back” to the more abstract, “my best friend always being willing to listen when I need somebody to talk to.”
2. Go on a gratitude walk
As you walk, try to notice anything around you that you could possibly be grateful for. The blue skies, the tall trees, the funny dog that made you smile. Stay present and be open! The world may pleasantly surprise you.
3. Write a thank you letter
Think of someone you are truly thankful to have in your life. Write them a letter – not an email, not a text, not a DM; sit down and write a real, live letter. Take the time to thank them for the positive impact they made on you. Mail them the letter if you can, or better still, read it to them in person.
4. Make a gratitude jar
First, cut dozens of tiny slips of paper. On each slip, write down something you are grateful for. Fill a jar of your choosing with all of these slips. Whenever you’re feeling down, pull a slip from the jar, read it, and remind yourself of all the blessings in your life. Add more slips as you think of more sources of gratitude.
5. List your strengths
Never forget to practice gratitude for yourself and all you do to move forward every day. Remind yourself of all the strengths you possess and be thankful for who you are!
Too often, life can be stressful, disappointing, and sad. In these dark moments, however, it can also be beautiful, important, and empowering. A small shift in perspective toward gratitude can allow us to see all the gifts life has to offer, even in the darkness of our most difficult times.
