Mental health is deeply personal, your challenges and issues are distinct to you. Dealing with these challenges is part of achieving mental wellness. Many people lead productive lives by successfully managing mental illness.
But mental illness doesn’t only affect you. It also affects the people around you—especially those closest to you. In many ways, this can be a good thing, it provides you with a safe space to share and seek support, before things get out of hand. That support can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
There is always hope. Having people in your life who can help you feel hopeful is something to celebrate. I know I was so grateful for the support in my family.
The Unexpected
The realities of mental illness came into my life unexpectedly. I had no history of mental illness myself, and neither did my brother. But at 31 years old, he had an episode.
He already had a great job as a software engineer and seemed to have everything under control. No one knew it was coming. We hadn’t seen many, if any, warning signs. At first it was hard to figure out what was going on. And it was even more shocking because 50% of mental illness begins by age 14, and 75% begins by age 24.
Under the surface, he was having audio hallucinations and delusions. His behavior started to become erratic and he was placed on an involuntary hold for 72 hours for observation (under section 5150).
The biggest problem was that he didn’t recognize his mental illness, so he didn’t do anything to get it under control. He just didn’t know. Eventually he got evicted and was temporarily homeless.
And this was just the beginning.
Adjustment
Because my brother was so intelligent, he talked his way out of a lot of things.
This made it really hard to get help for him. He refused treatment and, as his health conditions worsened, he got in trouble with the law. When his case got to court, he insisted on representing himself…
…this was a mistake that ended in his conviction to a whole year in prison.
It was so terrible for him. They gave him medication without telling him what it was for. He only took his meds so he’d be allowed to speak with a professional. But it wasn’t enough. He was put in isolation, in solitary confinement, for 6 months—the worst thing for someone with serious mental illness.
This only made his episodes worse.
Failed by the System
The lack of mental health support was a huge shortcoming in the justice system, one that would slow his recovery. But he wasn’t alone:
When my brother was released, we didn’t get any of his medical records. We received no information on his diagnosis because he didn’t sign a release of information. He came out of jail to face fines, evaluations, without a diagnosis or any medication management—he didn’t even have a case manager or psychiatrist to help prescribe medications.
When he came home, his symptoms came too. As a family, we worked to help him find a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis, anything. We did whatever we could—but it only got worse.
He had to go back to jail, but, thankfully, he was in a different county from before, one that had case managers and advocates. He was placed in a special ward for the seriously mentally ill.
This time, he finally had the tools he needed to take his treatment into his own hands.
Self-Stabilization
The challenges imposed upon my brother by his illness and by the judicial system were huge, but he was strong enough to overcome them. When he was released he got compliant on medications and he started attending groups. He got his life together.
I am so, so grateful that he was able to do this. But it was still hard for us, his family. We had lived through the experience with him, even when he didn’t want us to. We also had trauma, we also had to heal.
And we did, with time.
I’m so grateful we found NAMI’s Family-to-Family program. It provided timely help just when we needed it most. When you first see the effects of serious mental illness on your life, it’s scary. It feels like the most unusual experience, unique to your world… until you know that it’s not. Talking about everything was the most important thing for me and my family.
Now, my brother has stabilized. He has a new job as a software engineer, he’s back on track and doing really well. As time goes on, he has more insights into his condition and he is ready to live on his own.
There’s always a fear about what the future holds—and this weighs on us too. We’re not sure if his current track is sustainable, but we’ve got to help him as best as we can. The goal is to find him supportive housing like at Sanctuary Centers.
Now, we’re looking forward to spending time together once again. We’re all enjoying each other’s company and we’re working hard to stay close as a family.
And I can’t believe how much progress he’s made… or how much we’ve all made as a family.
NAMI Family-to-Family is a free, 8-session educational program for family, significant others and friends of people with mental health conditions. It is a designated evidenced-based program. This means that research shows that the program significantly improves the coping and problem-solving abilities of the people closest to a person with a mental health condition.
Sanctuary Centers of Santa Barbara provides powerful, comprehensive, transformative mental health care. We are always available at 805-569-2785, let us know how we can help.
